Daisy's Long Road Home Read online

  ‘Are we renouncing life too?’ she said at last. Grayson glanced across at her. ‘I’m starving, and I know for a fact that Ahmed has packed some very good sandwiches.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I should have stopped before we got this far, but I didn’t realise the road would get this narrow. You’ll have to eat as we go along, I’m afraid. There’s nowhere I can pull off and I daren’t risk parking on the road itself. We haven’t met a single vehicle but that doesn’t mean we won’t.’

  She was too busy reaching for the haversack to shudder at the thought. Her stomach felt as though it had been put through several kinds of wringer. First the threat of Dalip Suri and now this terrifying drive. And the holy man’s sudden appearance hadn’t exactly helped. Ahmed’s delicate sandwiches would put her right and she set about making sure. She’d munched her way through several of them before Grayson held out a hand for his share.

  ‘I thought you’d become superhuman,’ she said, handing him one of the largest.

  ‘I’m just about to. It will be superhuman to drive this road and eat at the same time, but I’m willing to try. Not the mangoes though, definitely not the mangoes.’

  She tried to match his cheerfulness but it was difficult. The bad feelings she’d had since her scramble from the dye shop had returned, and intensified with time passing. Between mouthfuls, she said, ‘If Suri was in the village because of us, do you think he’s still following?’

  ‘It doesn’t look like it. But on this road, how would you know?’

  ‘So he might be?’

  ‘We need to think he might. We need to be careful about where we hole up for the night. If Suri is on the road, I don’t want to hang out a welcome flag.’

  ‘I can’t see anywhere that we can possibly get off the road.’

  ‘Neither can I, and certainly nowhere that’s reasonably well hidden. I’d hoped we might make the summit before we stopped. If we could get to where the road flattens out, there’ll be more shelter. We can’t be too far off but the sun’s already sinking.’

  It was hard to believe but he was right. The day had vanished like summer mist. They’d been held up in the village, of course, but the road was the real culprit. The road and the jeep itself. The journey had proved far more difficult than either of them could have imagined. They drove on, slowly upwards, ever upwards, winding around and around the mountain, the route potholed and in places barely surfaced. Another hour passed and Daisy felt her vision had narrowed to one small point above her head, to a summit that never came. She was used to the Rajasthan plain and this was completely new territory. Dangerous territory. On either side of the narrow track, the earth had been washed away by monsoon rain and months of erosion, and every so often the vehicle would round a bend and simply hang in the air. Dangerous territory indeed.

  Light was fading and the jeep labouring badly. A grinding sound came menacingly from below, the noise increasing in volume as the road grew steeper with each mile they covered. At every bend the vehicle seemed ready to collapse as though it were an overworked donkey. She shot a glance at Grayson’s profile. He was no doubt thinking as she was, that they would be lucky to finish this journey. It could only have been two or three miles before the ground began to open up on either side of them, but it felt like an eternity. At last, when her nerves had feathered to small pieces, she saw they were approaching a wide, spreading plateau. The road ahead ran straight for some miles; they had reached the summit. She felt the constriction in her chest ease. The tyres still jolted across lengthy cracks and gaping holes, and the jeep still slid and skittered on loose gravel, but the troublesome noise had abated. Somehow they limped across the plateau for a mile or so before Grayson pulled on the handbrake and brought them to an abrupt halt.

  On their right was an apron of grass fronting an area of dense bushes and small trees. The space was small and hardly promising, but he got out to look more closely and then began to slide his way between the greenery. She expected him to give up at any moment but he kept on walking, right through the bushes. For a few seconds, he disappeared entirely behind what at first sight had appeared an impenetrable barrier. Then he was out again, wearing a satisfied smile.

  He jumped back into the vehicle. ‘This will do. Hold tight.’

  The jeep was swung across the road and onto the grass. They nosed their way purposefully ahead, breaking several branches of the gnarled and stunted trees as they did, and trampling the knee-high grass to a pulp. Once through the barrier of bushes, they reached another patch of grass, a small circle just sufficient in which to park a car and pitch a tent.

  As soon as the jeep was securely parked, Grayson jumped down and strode back to the entrance of the enclosure, gathering the broken branches up as he went. These he laid to one side and then very carefully rearranged the battered bushes to cover the gap they’d made. Anyone driving past, eyes necessarily glued to the road, would have no idea that anything lay beyond.

  ‘That was clever.’

  ‘Thank you, memsahib.’ He gave a mock bow.

  ‘And for your next trick … how about pitching the tent? I don’t think I’ll be much use.’

  ‘What tent would that be?’

  ‘We’re camping, aren’t we? You camp in a tent.’

  ‘We would if we had one, but we don’t. We do have sleeping bags, or more precisely, one sleeping bag. But I’m feeling generous—you can have it.’

  She met the news of their sleeping arrangements in silence, then said, ‘And food? How much is left?’

  ‘Chocolate, the fruit I bought, a few of Ahmed’s rolls. Oh, and some dry biscuits but we’d better keep them for breakfast.’

  It was hardly appetising, but neither was staying on the road during the night’s darkness. Or trying to stay on it. In the distance, she’d glimpsed the descent. If anything, the track seemed even narrower as it wound its tortuous path downwards. No, she wouldn’t want to be driving any longer that day, dry biscuits or not.

  ‘I’ll get the gear out and hopefully we can manage some kind of meal.’

  She didn’t have time to think how much of a meal chocolate and stale rolls would make before the ‘gear’, consisting of a pre-war primus stove, a battered aluminium saucepan and two canisters of water—one for cooking and one for washing, Grayson told her—were unloaded. Old the stove might be, but it took flame immediately he put a match to it and the water was soon boiling for chai.

  Daisy unpacked what was left of Ahmed’s picnic and then set about peeling several of the ripe mangoes. ‘I suppose the holy man was really what he seemed.’ She hadn’t been able to forget her earlier worries.

  ‘Maybe, maybe not.’

  ‘But he couldn’t have any connection to Dalip Suri, could he?’ she persisted. She was hoping for reassurance. ‘We left him behind in the village. He wouldn’t have had time to plan an ambush.’

  ‘Suri won’t be our only conspirator,’ Grayson said gently. ‘Let’s forget him for tonight.’

  When they’d eaten their way through the meagre repast, he got to his feet, stretching cramped limbs, and then walked over to the jeep. It was almost dark and he fumbled around for a while before he located one of the torches and by its light, broke a bar of chocolate in two.

  ‘Here. The chai will be even better with a chaser.’

  Between sips of tea, she savoured the taste of the chocolate. It was smooth and rich and mingled in her senses with the heady scent of evening. She was overcome by a strange feeling of completeness. And that was decidedly odd. They were in the middle of nowhere and unnamed dangers waited ahead. But at this moment, it didn’t seem to matter. The world was at peace and so was she. Around them the trees stood still and silent. Above, a shower of stars, pinpricks in the sky’s dark void, as though thrown there by a wayward hand, and a half-moon hanging lazily overhead, edging the jeep, the grass, the bushes—and themselves—in a silver sheen.

  She looked across at Grayson and laughed. ‘In the moonlight we look as grand as Indian gods in a tem
ple.’

  He smiled back. ‘But gods that need to sleep, I think.’ He doused the primus and pulled from the rear of the jeep a ground sheet and a sleeping bag.

  ‘Here you are, fit for a princess. I found it in the storeroom back at base. I can’t guarantee nobody has ever slept in it before but it looks pretty clean.’

  She took a closer look. By torchlight at least, it appeared presentable.

  ‘It seems fine, but why only one?’

  ‘I was coming on this journey alone, remember?’

  She did remember and it made her feel awkward. ‘So what will you do?’

  ‘Let Mother Earth take me to her bosom.’

  Daisy giggled. ‘I wonder if you’ll feel quite so poetic in a few hours’ time.’ She opened the sleeping bag and spread it on the ground sheet. ‘Why don’t we both share this? It looks big enough.’

  ‘I doubt we’d both fit in there.’

  ‘I was thinking we could sleep on top.’ She could feel herself beginning to flush. ‘It’s a warm night and I think I saw an old blanket behind my seat. We could wrap that around us.’

  When they were lying side by side, she said. ‘I haven’t dared to ask, but how’s the wrist? The drive must have given you pain.’

  ‘A little,’ he admitted, ‘but nothing that will stop me driving tomorrow. We need to get to Sikaner as soon as we can.’

  ‘Because of what happened back there in the village?’

  ‘Partly.’

  She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him, a deepening frown on her face. ‘I don’t understand why Dalip still sees me as a threat. I’ve stopped asking questions about his family, but that seems not to matter. Somehow, I’ve acquired an enemy without any good reason.’

  ‘There’s sure to be a reason. And we have acquired an enemy,’ he corrected. ‘We’re battling the same people, or so it seems.’ He reached up and swept a stray curl from her face, his hand lingering in her hair. A small gesture but it made her breath catch. She lay down quickly, bunching herself into the smallest of spaces.

  ‘That sounds crazy.’

  ‘Maybe, but it’s too much of a coincidence that we’ve ended up travelling to Sikaner together. The state is small and unimportant so why do we both need to visit? It’s the unanswered questions that are sending us there. And probably sending Suri, too. Something is rotten in the state of Sikaner, to misquote Hamlet, and that’s what I need to find out.’

  For the moment, finding out didn’t seem that urgent. She lay still and quiet, looking up at the sky. There was a majesty in this nightly unfurling of beauty that made their journey seem inconsequential. His body was warm beside her and she knew a deep happiness.

  ‘I wish you hadn’t come,’ he said, breaking the silence at last. ‘I’m fearful I may be leading you into the lions’ den.’

  ‘I asked to come.’

  ‘“Ask” isn’t the word I’d use. You insisted.’

  ‘I had to. You were sounding as though I was ten years old and in need of a guardian.’

  ‘I was concerned for you. Is that so wrong?’

  ‘I was concerned for you, but that wasn’t going to alter your decision, was it? I know you don’t want me here, but now that I am, we have to be equal partners.’

  She felt him turn towards her, his body moulding itself to hers. ‘Haven’t I been waiting for that for years?’

  ‘That’s not what I mean.’ She knew her face had grown pink and was glad of the almost complete darkness.

  ‘Sad but true.’ He let out a heavy breath. ‘There was a time when I believed we had a future together. But I guess that’s the way love goes. People fall out of love as quickly as they fall into it.’

  ‘I didn’t fall in love quickly—not with you.’ She was remembering her instant infatuation with Gerald. Her feelings for Grayson had been quite different. Were quite different. ‘And I haven’t fallen out of love.’

  He turned his head towards her, but in the faint light his expression was impossible to read. ‘You found reasons not to meet though, didn’t you? You pushed me away. What was that about? I didn’t understand you and I still don’t.’

  ‘I know,’ she said unhappily. ‘You’re not able to put yourself in my shoes.’

  ‘I’ve tried, really I have. I’ve tried to understand how wretched you must have felt. But that whole miserable business with Gerald was ten years ago.’ He reached across and slowly stroked her cheek.

  She badly wanted to clutch hold of his hand and pull him close, but mastered the feeling and said as composedly as she could, ‘I know it’s way in the past, but it lives with me still. It lives with me every day. It makes me feel the world can fall to pieces at any time. That life is insecure, that my life is insecure.’

  He sat up quickly and threw aside the blanket. ‘You must know you’d be safe with me.’

  ‘Rationally, I suppose.’ She joined him sitting, her back arrow straight. She was ready to argue her case. It was important that she make him see the damage the past had caused. ‘But fear isn’t rational, is it? Of course, I know that you would never deliberately harm me, but I can’t allow myself to be that vulnerable again. I’ve worked hard. I’ve a profession now, and that means I’ve a sure future. If I had to give that up—’

  ‘Why would you give it up? Why does there have to be a choice? I would never ask you to leave nursing. Surely you must know that?’

  ‘You wouldn’t ask, but the world would expect it. There may not be an official ban on being married but it’s definitely frowned on. How can you be a good nurse and look after a husband at the same time, that’s what people would say. Matrons in particular. Most of them are single and reluctant to employ married women. That’s especially true in a teaching hospital, and that’s where I’m heading. I’ve tried the alternative and I don’t like it.’

  He stared straight ahead, his shoulders stiff. The line of trees rustled slightly from a puff of breeze. ‘What you’re saying is that your prospects at work are more important than any feelings you might have for me.’

  ‘You make it sound cold and calculating. It’s not. For me, it’s a matter of survival. Try to understand.’

  When he didn’t respond, she leaned across and gripped his forearm. ‘I don’t want to be dependent, Grayson. Not ever again. I don’t want to feel powerless and at someone else’s mercy, no matter how good and kind they are.’

  He ignored her hand and looked away. ‘That’s a skewed way of thinking. If you’re true partners, then neither of you should wield ultimate power. Which is what you’re doing. You’re letting your bad experience distort your whole life—and mine.’

  ‘It wasn’t just bad, it was catastrophic. I trusted Gerald. For the first time in my life, I trusted another human being and look what happened. I lost my baby, I lost my peace of mind. I nearly lost my life.’

  She couldn’t keep the misery from her voice and it made him turn back to her. ‘I know it’s been foul. I know it will be difficult. But you can learn to trust again.’ He seemed to struggle with himself for a minute and then his arms went round her and she could sense his lips close. ‘We were lovers once and you must have trusted then,’ he said quietly. ‘Surely the prize is worth trying for again? I’m not talking about me, though I hope I feature somewhere in there. But a family of your own. It’s what you’ve always wanted. It’s what this mad journey of yours is all about, isn’t it?’

  ‘It’s about a family I never had. And, as for a new family, I can’t think about that. Not after what happened. Maybe when this is over, things will be different. I need to know the people who brought me into the world; in some twisted fashion they’re tied up with what happened here in India with Gerald, with Anish. I don’t know how, I just know it. And I can’t think of anything else until I’m sure there’s nothing more to discover. Then I’ll let the past go.’

  ‘If only that were true …’ He pulled her down once more onto their makeshift bedding, his arms still encircling her. It felt natural to n
estle against him.

  ‘I promise it is.’

  CHAPTER 14

  He was awake before dawn and lay relaxed, watching the sun slowly gilding every corner of the small clearing. Beside him, Daisy was still deep in dreams. He looked across at the sleeping girl and hesitated to bring her back to reality. He hadn’t wanted her on this journey, had feared for her safety, but once she’d made dangerous enemies in Jasirapur, he’d had no other option. By playing detective, she’d become a threat to them both and he could see his plans being blown sky-high. No wonder he’d reacted furiously—but he could never stay angry with her for long. They’d been through thick and thin together and it felt good to have her near. To talk with her, laugh with her. To lie beside her, feeling her breath on his cheek, her soft contours against his body. Last night she’d cuddled close as though nothing bad had happened between them. But it had, and he only half believed her promise that if she found nothing in Sikaner, she would give up all thoughts of uncovering the past. She’d offered the faintest hope that things could come right between them and like a fool, he’d wanted to believe her even while he knew in his heart that she was still as far away from him as ever. His best bet would be to forget the old dreams and concentrate on doing his job.

  Throughout the war he’d clung to the idea of a settled life, with Daisy at its centre, once the enemy was routed and England safe. But when the day came and he’d asked her to marry him, she’d prevaricated, finding first one reason and then another to avoid commitment. At first he’d been bewildered, then frustrated, and finally filled with resentment. The job in Brighton had been the last straw. It was a promotion, she’d said, yet she could have found that easily enough in a suburban hospital, in London itself, if she’d chosen. But she hadn’t. He’d had to acknowledge then that she’d chosen Brighton to get away from him. That she would never want what he wanted. When his mother heard the news, she’d suggested in the most delicate manner that in some way Daisy must be ‘damaged’ and he would be best to cut his losses. After that, he’d allowed himself to drift, trying to keep her far from his mind. But the minute he’d known he was embarking on a hazardous assignment, he’d also known he had to see her again. To say goodbye. Except that it hadn’t been goodbye and she was here with him, sharing the dangers as she had so often in the past.